Night time feels like empty space. I can fill it with all the little things I never have time to do during the day. I miss writing just to write. All I do lately never feels like its my own. Only reformulations of someone else's words. I sometimes think class pushes some good from my life. I also consider it may be the thing which I tell myself is only holding me back from my full potential temporarily. Although, I know the only cure for my feelings of emptiness, lack of substance in my life, is action.
A wise philosophy as I see it has to with visualization and an open mind. To be aware of the signs the universe is constantly giving you, responding to the energy you release. The idea that you have control over every little thing in your life is overwhelming. I'll sometimes imagine this pressure that isn't there, pressure to live my life to the fullest.
Though, if I can visualize myself in a time and place where I am, that will only mean that I am one step closer to obtaining this goal.
One thing that cannot be ignored within this imaginary life, is the vast difference in environment from where I am currently. In this visualization, I am laughing with some friends in a large cafe (or restaurant or co-op). The walls are wooden but painted yellow. We're in an urban area, down the street from a community garden where I spend a lot of my time. I may also sell produce at a local farmers market, write/take photos for an environmental magazine, and study human impact on ecosystems around the world. I travel to rural landscapes to collect data. I do not own a car (I may have sold it to pay off student loans). I am not in a relationship, but I have strong relationships with family and friends. I am confident. I live close with nature. Not too long before, I was on a service mission to a third world country, learning from and teaching locals principals of permaculture and sustainability.
This may be far fetched, silly, or oddly specific. It's a working progress.
