I am convinced that every person has something that they struggle with for most if not all their life. Many people may have problems in common, but they are the sort of things one does not bring up in conversation too often. It seems that too many of us turn to cynicism; it's just so easy. It periodically finds its way into everyday thoughts, though. This thing could be anything from depression to a search for enlightenment. My love and hate for the modern world which I wrote about in an earlier post is my something. (Perhaps paired with shyness and anxiety).
I want to dedicate my life to helping people as well as other life. I could really care less about selling more coffee and sweets to people who don't think twice about where it comes from. I also wear my emotions on my sleeve, so my lack of excitement shows sometimes. I'm not all that comfortable around strangers unless I can find something specific we have in common. I can be awkward in social situations, but only because I can't seem to find a happy medium between silence and speaking my every thought, which often is random or inappropriate. I'm kind of a klutz and I often feel guilty about small mistakes. Even still, I know that I've matured a lot over the last couple years.
I've been looking for some direction or even a spiritual guide so to speak. The few meditation sessions I've attempted have been confusing or ended in sleep. I want to talk and be around people who understand my love of nature and hatred of money. I want to be a person who attends protests and who can articulate her opinion without preparation, who can spell without spellcheck, and who writes things anyone cares to read.
